It happens to all of us — over time, that patina of newness and your partner’s eager puppy unceasing attention to your every utterance fades to black. You’ll know just when it happens – that moment when they forget to check first if you’re showering, and just flush the toilet at will, scalding you in your soaped up birthday suit…or that moment when it takes an act of Congress to get your partner’s attention over the din of the TV (in my husband’s case, shows like “Japanese Iron Chef”) or the Sunday paper. My creative BFF Christina Bouvier has taught me her stealthy ninja secret to interrupting Dave’s TV coma. She has used this technique on her husband with a high degree of success. In her case, he gets sucked into old Twilight Zone episodes, or anything on the SyFy Channel (btw, the most brutally ridiculous brand name change in the history of TV – it should have remained SciFi Channel, imho. Are we supposed to pronounce this “Siffy”? WTF?!?).
So, if you’re looking to suck your husband’s…wait for it…attention…from the vortex of bad TV, here’s a great online tool to make it happen:
Go to Dictionary.com and find the most titillating term – perhaps at your house, it’s titillating? Anyhow, Bouvier usually types in “vagina” or “penis.” On Dictionary.com, there’s an audio option, so she just keeps hitting that audio button, over and over again–ad nauseum–as the robotic voice says “Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!” Eventually her hubby breaks his eye lock on the flat screen and looks up at her with disgust from Twilight Zone. The victory is all hers.
Kids, try this at home, and let me know how well it works for you!