Denise McDonald Dorman

Depraved Fun with Dictionary.Com

In Life Observations on September 12, 2010 at 4:27 pm

It happens to all of us — over time, that patina of newness and your partner’s eager puppy unceasing attention to your every utterance fades to black. You’ll know just when it happens – that moment when they forget to check first if you’re showering, and just flush the toilet at will, scalding you in your soaped up birthday suit…or that moment when it takes an act of Congress to get your partner’s attention over the din of the TV (in my husband’s case, shows like “Japanese Iron  Chef”) or the Sunday paper. My creative BFF Christina Bouvier has taught me her stealthy ninja secret to interrupting Dave’s TV coma. She has used this technique on her husband with a high degree of success. In her case, he gets sucked into old Twilight Zone episodes, or anything on the SyFy Channel (btw, the most brutally ridiculous brand name change in the history of TV – it should have remained SciFi Channel, imho. Are we supposed to pronounce this “Siffy”? WTF?!?).

So, if you’re looking to suck your husband’s…wait for it…attention…from the vortex of bad TV, here’s a great online tool to make it happen:

Go to Dictionary.com and find the most titillating term – perhaps at your house, it’s titillating? Anyhow, Bouvier usually types in “vagina” or “penis.” On Dictionary.com, there’s an audio option, so she just keeps hitting that audio button, over and over again–ad nauseum–as the robotic voice says “Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!” Eventually her hubby breaks his eye lock on the flat screen and looks up at her with disgust from Twilight Zone. The victory is all hers.

Kids, try this at home, and let me know how well it works for you!

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  1. […] this dynamic duo. Who’d have thunk it? Like my BFF, the brilliant prankster Christina Bouvier whom I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Dave has somehow trained his facial muscles to hide his gut reaction. This comes in handy on […]

  2. holy hannah denise, I read this to my honey, and we laughed so hard I had a difficult time reading the last of it out loud. I love the idea.

  3. Too funny! Just remember, Jack repeats what he hears! LOL! My favorite Urban Dictionary entry for this week: Catholic Roulette.
    describes the birth control method recommended by the Catholic Church. 🙂

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