Dave Dorman Confidential: Why I Don’t Attend DragonCon (via Dave Dorman)

Controversial? Yes. Honest? Yes.

Dear Friends, First, let me post my upcoming appearances, so it's front and center: * Detroit Fan Fare Days 9/23 – 9/25, 2011 * Dallas for Star Wars Fan Days 10/8 – 10/9, 2011 * SteamCon in Seattle 10/15 – 10/16 My longtime friend and award-winning sci-fi/horror writer Del Stone Jr. has held my secret for all of these years. As DragonCon started growing its attendance trajectory and publicity, more and more people have asked me if, when and why I … Read More

via Dave Dorman

Nature v. Nurture: The Apple That Didn’t Drop Far From the Tree

Gentle Readers,

Most of you following me know that I’m married to a famed artist and illustrator, Dave Dorman. However, unless you grew up with me, you likely aren’t aware that I, too, was a gifted artist in my youth. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a mentor like Dave to explain to me that there was “gold in them thar mines…” or real career opportunities for artists and illustrators.  Today Dave goes to grade schools, high schools and colleges and lectures students on career opportunities for the arts. I just wasn’t that savvy.  I knew no one who did art, outside of my art teachers, and there was  no way in hell I was going to suffer that level of abuse.  (Well, I did do a 3-year stint as a Sunday School teacher and was pretty good at it, but I digress).  With the residue from too much ’70s Woodward & Bernstein influence, I ventured forth into a “safer” creative field–writing.

So jump ahead a few decades, and here Dave and I are with a six-year-old son who is clearly showing artistic ability – freakishly so – and we are occasionally flabbergasted by his burgeoning talent. Yesterday was just such an example. Our son turned six this week, and we watched him draw this image below freehand, with no reference to copy. It was simply drawn from his memory. The character he drew, Cosmo from Nickelodeon’s The Fairly OddParents, was perfect in detail, according to Dave, who is well familiar with the character.  I cannot bear to watch that painful show, so I’m no expert. So here it is. Judge for yourself if this looks like the art of a six-year-old:

Dave Dorman's Son Shows Artistic Talent at Age Six

Left to his own devices, our son will choose to sit down and draw rather than watch TV or play videogames. While we praise his efforts, we haven’t given him any formal art training. Dave has insisted we give him the freedom to find his own “voice” in his art. Dave was in his early 20s when he found his voice, and that has worked out well so far, so I’m thinking this is the best approach.  But what do I know? What do you think?

As always, thanks for reading.

Denise

Twitter.com/writebrainmedia

Linkedin.com/in/writebrainmedia

Undercover Boss…REALLY?!?

Imagine you’re earning under $50k a year,  or maybe under $30k. All of the sudden a film crew magically appears to tape you training a new employee in how to, say, clean hotel rooms, shovel shit out of horse stalls at the racetrack, or drive a garbage truck with zero time to take a pee break. Chances are, you’re co-starring in an episode of Undercover Boss. I’ve watched enough episodes to say with confidence, these on-camera CEO trainers may not be in the 39% tax bracket, but it’s no reflection on their I.Q.’s. I secretly hope they’re amping up their tales of woe just to win that promotion or raise they always seem to get at the very happy ending portion of the program. I think they’ve earned it just for willing participation in this  ”city mouse-meets-country mouse” reality TV charade.

Oh, what I would give to see my BFF Christina Bouvier in an episode of Undercover Boss, training some C.E.O. in her Midwestern manufacturing plant.  With a straight face, over an Oliver Twistian lunch of water and stale Melba toast, she would spin a yarn so tragically sad that even Donald Trump, tear-soaked silk hankie in hand, would be begging her to move into his carriage house by show’s end. Within a month, she’d be living rent-free in one of his spare penthouse suites. Within six weeks, she’d be telling Trump “You’re fired!” on his own TV program. To quote Gordon Gecko, “Greed is good.”

Stainless & Granite: The Unenlightened Think It’s the New Black in Kitchen Design

In some households, the cacophony of couch potatoes screaming at the flat screen might smack of football season. At our house, it means I’m watching my favorite new porn: HGTV’s House Hunters, or its skinnier, richer and even bee-yotchier sister, House Hunters International.

Today was House Hunters International’s HGTV marathon. (I guess they don’t think my ass is big enough already, so they’re adding several hours to my non-aerobic activity). Imagine my delight and surprise when interviewing world-renowned artist Scott Hampton for Dave Dorman’s & my podcast, “It’s Comic Book Day” (free on iTunes, folks!) and discovering that he, too, shares my addiction. Scott summed it up best: “Who knew you could buy a chateau in the south of France for a mere $500,000?!?”

I’ve learned much from observing – and cursing out – these clueless home buyers. Are you selling a home in the near future? Take careful note. The new rules for staging homes can be summarized in a couple of bullet points:

#1. People today are way too stupid to notice the true and lovely bones of a home and the potential of its land. They will NOT see past the paint palette or wallpaper that somehow offends their precious sensibilities, so keep that wall cover neutral, folks! Just take your paint cues from some old Pottery Barn catalog (don’t worry, the catalog can be from 10 years ago and the design won’t have evolved at all) and be sure to fill a giant, useless and extravagantly expensive clear vase (say it like you’re from Connecticut and pronounce it “vaahhhzzz”) with useless balls that look like Martha Stewart rolled up some brown old grape vines after her Kobe beef herd shat on them. Wall colors can be khaki, ecru and egg shell. Don’t get too imaginative. Wall art must always be framed in black.

#2. The home could have a crumbling foundation and the most labyrynthine layout, but so long as that kitchen boasts “stainless steel appliances and granite countertops,” that home is…to quote our moronic ex-Illinois Guv Blago…”Effing GOLDEN!!!”

Every single time I see some uninformed couple walk into a kitchen and gush over stainless and granite, I scream at the TV. I’m confident Dave jests when he tells me I learned English from ”longshoremen,” whatever that means. Surely Tony Robbins is intricately involved in some conspiracy…like the kitchen design lobbyists got to him, and the next brainwashing session he held down at his Fiji compound was dedicated to selling future home buyers on bad 1998 kitchen decor. Do these people just really not know what a pain in the ass it is to keep fingerprints off of stainless?!? Or how easily stainless steel appliances dent?!? Or how dated these kitchens are going to look in no time?!?

When I think of these house hunters, I can’t help but think of the lyric from The Police’s most excellent album, Synchronicity: “Packed like lemmings into shiny, metal boxes…contestants in a suicidal race.” But these house hunting lemmings are all converging toward one giant design suicide. From everything I’ve witnessed over countless episodes, home buyer individuality is deader than Paris Hilton’s welcome mat at LasVegas Wynn Properties.

All this talk of The Police has made me, in my true A.D.D. fashion, think of the hottest Baby Boomer on the planet, Sting. He should have at least a cameo role on my favorite vampire porn, True Blood. Don’t you agree?

My Crazy Friends

Dear Gentle Readers,

My BFF Christina Bouvier calls my cadre of friends my “collection.” One of my favorite people in my treasured collection is Tony Swatton of Sword and Stone, the Burbank, CA-based company that creates those wonderful costumes and armour you see in certain Viking-style TV ads and films requiring swords, armour, etc. Aside from Tony’s amazing vision and craftsmanship for artisan metal, leather and jewelry work, what drew me to become his friend was our shared sense of humor. He is truly a kindred spirit. First, let me show you an image of Tony and his favorite model Natasha, and then I’ll explain further:

Tony Swatton at San Diego Comic-Con...Vikings REPRESENT!

(BTW, Tony made the costume you see above on Natasha.)

Since Tony has plenty of Viking-like costumes lying about his shop, he calls up friends to do the Viking version of a Rave – they randomly show up dressed as Vikings at, say, the local IKEA for Swedish meatballs. Tony gets all perplexed when he’s suddenly flanked by security-type folks. He told IKEA security that he and the crew were sent there by “IKEA’s Headquarters.”

Someone could write an entire book on Tony and his wild adventures, and frankly, I’m just the author to do it.

So…Tony formed the NORSE HOLLYWOOD VIKINGS DINING CLUB. You can find this club on FaceBook. Toward the end of August, he is renting one of those amphibious Duck Boats, and they will deck out the exterior in armour, load it up with Club members donned in Viking gear, and drive it through Compton, Watts, and God knows where else, before ending up in Long Beach Harbour. I’d give my left ovary to join in on the hijinks – this is TOTALLY my cup of tea.

So Tony Swatton is just one of the eclectic folks in my ever-growing collection of friends - I blame it all on my Aquarian rising sign. If you are so moved, follow Tony’s hijinks on FaceBook and join in on the fun. I am so moved.

Denise!

Dave Dorman Interviews Alien & Predator

Dear Friends,

I wrote this parody piece a while back, prior to AVP2 coming out with the “new” Predalien character, if you catch my drift. Dave did a “very similar” creature design as a work-for-hire project for 20th Century Fox years ago, and it became a little controversial when he noted online that the Predalien design in AVP2 was virtually identical to the one he created, and then he proceeded to post both of them for the fans to compare.  I’ve updated the interview a little, but here it is:

Dave Dorman Interviews Alien & Predator

Back Story: Renowned illustrator Dave Dorman, Alien and Predator are old friends, dating back more than 15 years ago to the days when Dorman was painting Alien v. Predator pieces to please the Dark Horse fans…today the threesome reunites for a pre-San Diego Comic-Con interview.

POV: We see the famed Eisner Award-winning  illustrator and two of his favorite creatures, lunching at a local White Castle.

Dave Dorman: Hi guys. Thanks for wearing pants today.

Alien & Predator (in unison): Ditto.

Dave Dorman: Let’s Q&A. How did you like being depicted as warring nemeses in your new film, Alien v. Predator?

Alien: Well, the fans have been dying to see me kick Predator’s ass in a live action piece…

Predator, interrupting: Hold on a ****in’ minute. Whose ass did they want to see getting kicked by who?

Alien, continuing: I believe the correct word is whom…but Dave, you were the first one who actually depicted us dukin’ it out more than 15 years ago in your painting for Dark Horse Presents #36. It was that first fight cover in the swamp, remember?

Predator: That’s right! You made us fly down to your Florida studio and sweat our balls off posing under all of those hot lights. In the middle of summer, no less! That was the modeling job from hell. Just for that, you’re buying lunch today. And I’ll take an extra sack of sliders for the ride home.

Dave Dorman: Nada, Rasta-boy; you can afford to pay your own way! But that particular cover has been one of the most popular from my fans–and yours. You have to admit, Predator, you seemed to enjoy posing with that hot babe on the cover I did for Alien v. Predator #4.

Predator: Nah, she didn’t do it for me. Though I did like that slinky, latex costume.

POV: We see Predator struggling to fit a milkshake straw into his etiquette-unfriendly mouth.

Dave Dorman: Havin’ some trouble, Predator? Let me help.

POV: Dorman’s hand shakes nervously as he pours the vanilla milkshake into Predator’s gaping pie hole.

Dave Dorman: Hey guys, remember when I worked on those designs for that first attempt at the Alien v. Predator movie over 12 years ago? Did I ever show you my hybrid Predalien character?

POV: We see Dorman revealing the Predalien illustration to an astounded Alien and Predator.

Predator (sniffs with disdain): That is sick and wrong…unnatural. Not to mention chromosomally impossible.

Alien (lighting a cigarette): Humans shouldn’t be playing God with the mother race.

POV: Predator slaps the cigarette out of Alien’s mouth and his long claws rake against Alien’s jaw.  A few drops of blood drip onto White Castle’s stainless steel table, hissing as they burn steaming holes through it, then the floor.

Predator: Alien! How many times do I have to tell you? There’s no smoking in California restaurants! Besides I didn’t bring my inhaler.

Alien: Thanks, pal. There goes my goddam product placement cash from the tobacco industry.

Dave Dorman: You know, Alien, I have this persistent rust stain in my toilet and I’ll bet a few drops of your blood would take it right out.

Predator: I’m bettin’ it’s not a rust stain…

Dave Dorman (indignant): Niiiiice. And to think I painted your flattering side in that jail scene for the Predator: Race War piece!

Alien: He doesn’t have a good side. He’s a ****in’ four-toothed freak!

Predator (growling): Wrap it up, Dorman. I’m not sitting much longer with this slimed up gene pool abortion.

Dave Dorman: Right. So, guys, what do you think of my WASTED LANDS series?

Alien: I got your RAIL graphic novel, which definitely had some slick Schuiten and European influences, but my agent’s been hanging onto my complimentary copy of THE UNINVITED. He wants some cool beach reading in case Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman ever invite him over to their private Malibu sands.

Dave Dorman (offering Alien his book): Ah, well here’s an extra copy for you.

Alien: Thanks, man.

Predator: I thought the artwork and the stories kicked ass–just like I do with Alien on a regular basis–HAH!–however, I noticed you didn’t write any parts for me or Alien into your new series.

Alien: Yeah, we’re a little hurt. Remember, I helped you win that Eisner Award for your graphic story album Aliens: Tribes. Nice work with writer Steve Bissette…

Dave Dorman: I’d include you guys in a New York minute, but you have that contractual thing happenin’ with your movie studio. Since you liked the artwork, I’ll forward both of you my new book, “ROLLING THUNDER: The Art of Dave Dorman” from IDW Publishing and Desperado Publishing. It’s a career retrospective, including my pieces of you guys, plus my other licensed work and my Wasted Lands project.

Predator: Cool. Let me leave you with my home address this time so my agent doesn’t permanently borrow my copy.

Alien: What else ya’ got cookin’, paint-boy?

Dave Dorman: Promise not to get pissed?

Alien: I’m not promising anything except for some seriously stale White Castle farts in your rented van for the ride back to the studio.

Dave Dorman: Okay, let me reiterate, I would have written you in if I could…

Predator (nods, knowingly) to Alien: He’s stalling…

Dave  Dorman: Well…it’s a new Wasted Lands sci-fi action adventure novel, featuring my popular character Iguana, called…just don’t get mad, guys… “A Thousand Angry Teeth.”

Alien hisses (dripping with slime and sarcasm): Gee, I wonder who inspired that title?

Predator to Alien: Last time I checked with the dentist, you weren’t the only one with a mouthful of sharp teeth, you cocky bastard!

Alien (revealing menacing, dripping teeth, slowly rising up from his chair): That ****in’ does it!

Dave Dorman: Hey, look!!! Isn’t that Harold and Kumar at the White Castle drive thru’?!?

POV: Alien and Predator–both cursed with short attention spans–look toward the drive thru’ window, distracted just long enough for Dorman’s quick get-away. Dorman flips them some cab money as he casually exits the fine dining establishment, relishing the fact that his van will be Alien fart-free for the drive home. Approaching sirens wail, tables overturn, plate glass windows shatter and fry jockeys quiver beneath the stainless steel counter at the White Castle as Alien and Predator stage their own private, kick-ass sequel. Were it not for the 20^th Century Fox-licensed monsters, it would definitely resemble a scene from Dorman’s action-packed sci-fi series, The Wasted Lands. Don’t believe it? See for yourself:

http://www.wastedlands.com.

Our New Podcast: Wednesday is Comic Book Day!

Hi Everyone,

Exciting news! My mother’s worst fear has come to light:  Me with a Microphone.  Actually, our new podcast will star Dave Dorman with me as co-host, but we all know who, of the two of us, manages to cram in the most W.P.M.  I used to think “motormouth” was a lingering moniker from my previous career as a TV writer/producer in  motorsports, but I’m realizing it’s not…so much.

The new Dave & Denise Dorman podcast is called “Wednesday is Comic Book Day” through Farpoint Media, owned by friend and client (and former Babylon 5 actor/producer) Jeffrey Willerth. We are relying on the help of producers Michael Mennenga and Denise Gideon to make the production levels ear-worthy. The content of the show will be a fun mash-up of interviews with our wacky cast of pop culture characters, comic book industry writers, publishers, artists, inkers, letterers, pencillers, colorists, retailers, indie guys and the occasional sidebar of something quirky that interests Dave, whether it’s surfing, technology or the latest episode of  TV’s “LOST.”

The podcast will be available via iTunes initially and we will post it here and on Dave’s blog, both of our Twitter accounts, FaceBook & LinkedIn accounts when it’s up.  Hopefully we catch your attention in one of those spaces.

Additionally, I’m so proud of Dave and his friends for their new scholarship offering. They are doing a great thing for some deserving young artist. Their COMIX ACADEMY is offering a full scholarship for their intensive, 6-day course, held in San Diego just prior to San Diego Comic-Con. The purpose of this course is to bring illustrators up to the level of a professional comic book artist, and then introduce them to pro comic book editors and help them get their careers started. As Dave always says, “If only I had this sort of opportunity when I was starting out…”

This weekend Dave will be doing sketches, remarques & signing autographs at the Planet Comic-Con event in Kansas City. I was slated to attend with him, but alas, my videogame project is in its final production throes and I needed to be on site to put those loose ends to bed. I wish I could be there, as it’s a heavy Star Wars-centric show. Dave will be doing a Star Wars panel on  Saturday afternoon; I will pay some lucky prankster $5 to stand up and ask him what Bantha and Ton Ton poo poo smells like…

I’m also finalizing an article for HD Roadie that I think you’ll all find pretty interesting.  I will be sure to post links when the production magazine picks it up.

This has been a great week for reconnecting with old friends, like Mark Voss over at Post Maridian in Chicagoland, a post production house I’ve worked with many times. He’s a terrific, funny and brilliant guy and we’re developing a creative collaboration outside of our everyday corporate work. As I know more, I’ll post more.  My guess? Horror related.

Many thanks to your eyeballs for their time & attention,

Denise

OLD NAVY ADS = BIG BOWL OF OBTUSE

Over the holidays, I got a huge kick out of Old Navy’s talking mannequin TV ads. The new ads? Not so much. I get it that they’re doing some sort of vote-me-off-the-island throwback, but it just doesn’t work. If you can explain them to me, go for it! There’s live action, there’s mannequins and I’m just left confused by this big bowl of weird.

I’m one of those freaks who actually LIKES to watch live television and see the ads. I get anxious when my hubby fast-forwards past the ads on our DVR’d programs. I know and appreciate the hundreds of thousands of dollars, attention to detail and hard-fought creative that went into all of those ads. When they work, they’re magic. I could watch them again and again. Remember the liquor ad two years ago with the guy buzzing around in his fly costume, having pillow fights with hot babes, terminated all too soon by his short life span? I really MISS that ad. They chose the perfect music bed. Everything worked. Magic.

Another puzzlement? Why does Burger King continue investing in a series of ads with that creepy masked king? I have asked at least 50 people of all ages, sexes, religions and ethnicities–they all find the campaign creepy and bewildering. He would have made a great Pennywise the Clown in Stephen King’s “It,” but I can’t believe that campaign actually sells burgers.

As your humble pop culture correspondent, it’s my solemn duty to offer up these analyses based on my years of consumerism and couch potato’d-ness. Feel free to share yours with me – I look forward to your feedback, and dare I hope?, your interpretation of those Old Navy ads.

Denise,
Your Humble Pop Culture Correspondent

At San Diego Comic-Con Transformers Anthem Singer Stan Bush Has “The Touch”

Los Angeles, CA—July 20, 2009 – Transformers fans will hear their favorite Transformers anthem a.k.a. Shia LeBeouf’s “favorite song” at this year’s San Diego Comic-Con as “The Touch” singer and co-writer Stan Bush works the show from three separate locations to accommodate the fans.
“I love San Diego Comic-Con for the easy access to the fans. They’ve all been so supportive, and I want to be here to give back some of that positive energy,” Bush said during a recent recording session.
Bush will be signing autographs and selling product from three separate locations during San Diego Comic-Con. His schedule is as follows:

Location Time Days

Tformers.com Booth #2517 1-3 pm Friday, Saturday

Slave Boy Films Booth #5242 3-7 pm Friday
10 am – 1 pm Saturday
2 pm – 5 pm Sunday

Stan Bush’s Booth # AA19 3 pm – 7 pm Saturday
11 am – 2 pm Sunday

Bush will have 8 x 10 autograph photos, CDs and T-shirts available for the fans to purchase at all three locations.
For more information or interview requests, please contact publicist Terri Hartman at 813.767.7915 or Denise Dorman at 630.845.4694. Denise Dorman will also be on site at San Diego Comic-Con, Booth #4401 for last-minute requests.

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Praised as a world-class rock singer, Stan Bush is best known for his song “The Touch” featured in the Transformers Movie. An anthem for Transformers fans around the world, “The Touch” has just been released as a download for Guitar Hero WT on May 29, 2009! Stan was the featured performer at the Transformers convention (BOTCON 09) at Paramount Studios in Los Angeles. Also Hasbro has just released two new Transformers 2 ROTF toys featuring “The Touch”. “The Touch” is available on Stan’s latest album, “In This Life,” named ‘Album of the Year’ for 2007 (Rockunited.com)

One Tree Hill’s MIA – Kate Voegele Interviewed Tonight on OneTreeHillPodcast.net

—Media Alert—

What: Kate Voegele, who plays Mia on “One Tree Hill,” can be heard Tuesday evening on Denise Gideon’s One Tree Hill Podcast in a feature called “Artist’s Alley,” which highlights the show’s musical and artistic guests.

When: Tuesday, May 12, 2009 – 7 p.m. EDT
Where: The interview can be heard and downloaded from the following URLS:
 http://www.onetreehillpodcast.net
 http://www.itunes.com (One Tree Hill Connection)
Denise Gideon Quote: “The fans have been asking to hear from Mia, as played by Kate Voegele, for a long time, and now they will know that I heard them loud and clear.”

Kate Voegele Quote on Her song “Angel” from her new album “A Fine Mess,” being released May 18th:

“I actually think it is great I got to perform Angel on One Tree Hill. It seemed appropriate. I actually wrote it on the One Tree Hill set. We were filming a scene, you know, the library scene from Season Five, and it was such a long day. There would be set shots we each had to do, but then there we had these long breaks; we were there until 5 a.m. So, I was in my trailer for a lot of waiting around and wrote Angel.”

Kate Voegele on Similarities Between Kate and Her One Tree Hill Character Mia:

“I like they wrote a storyline for Mia that kind of mirrored what I was going through putting together my second album. Of course I didn’t have as much trouble writing as Mia did, but I am grateful the One Tree Hill producers included the struggles a singer has to go through to create an album into Mia’s storyline the last half of Season Six.”

Forthcoming One Tree Hill Podcast News: On the May 19th episode at 7 p.m. EDT, Denise Gideon will have an exclusive interview with Moira Kelly, who played Karen Roe for four seasons on One Tree Hill; she is returning for the One Tree Hill finale on May 18th. Denise will also be interviewing musician Michael Grubb from the band Wakey, Wakey.

About The One Tree Hill Podcast:
Denise Gideon began podcasting exclusive interviews with One Tree Hill through Farpoint Media on May 20, 2008. Since that time, she has more than 50 interviews with guests ranging from below the line production crew to top musical guests.

Media Contact:
Denise Dorman/WriteBrain Media
Phone 24/7: 630.845.4694
Email: denise@writebrainmedia.com

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